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Once iconic child Charlie Brown has been diagnosed with severe depression. The root of this diagnosis seems to be the result of emotional and physical abuse.
Charles Edward Brown, known to most as Charlie, has been diagnosed with clinical depression. His doctors have advised a vacation to clear Brown's mind, however he reportedly lashed out at the medical professionals in the room.
Disclaimer: This and all the other articles are based on fact, but NOT FACTUAL in reality. The article you are about to read may reference real world statistics and facts, but the overall article's purpose is a comedic story or a satirical piece. Read at your own risk.
Brown was seen by our news team recently outside his Minnesota home, taking his dog, and some sort of small bird, out to use the restroom. However, the dog seemed to have been taught how to walk on two legs, without any trouble balancing, a trick Brown had to have spent years perfected. Despite this strong bond with his pet(s), not enough serotonin is being handed out in the Brown household.
His doctor, Dr. Linus Van Pelt, P.H.D, voiced his concern outside Regions Hospital in St. Paul, MN. "Charlie has always been a downer, but anytime he talked to us, it never seemed like he was going to find himself down this path," Van Pelt stated. "I fortunately have direct ties to Brown, through my wife, Sally Brown, and can keep a closer eye than most doctors."
Despite being a full time doctor, Van Pelt promises his side laundromat business will not disrupt his efforts.
When asked about his childhood behavior, Brown's parents refused to comment. Even after constant attempts, all the elder Browns could give us was some sort of babbling gibberish. One could connect the angry and incoherent ramblings of these parents being a direct cause of Charlie's condition. However, some do not share the same concern for the lovable Minnesota native.
Lucille Van Pelt, sister to Brown's primary physician Linus, commented on Brown's diagnosis while smoking on her porch.
"I think Charlie is being a drama queen," stated Van Pelt. "He's always been one to bring others down at parties and holidays. You should have been there when we were kids. He brought in this rinky-dink Christmas tree on year, and was all butt-hurt that no one liked it. It was a twig, and a poor excuse for a Christmas tree. Sorry no one wanted to be depressing like you, Blockhead!" Further questioning was cut short, as Lucille attempted to lure our field team in for, as she referred to, "psychological analysis."
Charlie, despite Lucille Van Pelt's soapbox memoirs, is a beloved member of this community, and an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, as confirmed by his neighbors Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt and her partner Marcie.
What are some ways Brown could keep things positive? Could Lucille Van Pelt have something to do with Brown's condition? Is anything you just read canon? Who knows?
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