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NEWS YOU NEED!
Hilariously Serious.
Welcome to News You Need!
An information outlet with the new you "absolutely need" to hear! Our brand of satirical news is just what the doctored ordered. I think....
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News You Need!
Mar 29, 20212 min read
New MacGyver Inspired Game Show!!
A new game show is being developed for GSN with the direct inspiration coming from the iconic 80's character! Who's hosting this...
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News You Need!
Mar 17, 20212 min read
Local Demon Making Neighborhood Irrational!
We are taught not to judge or discriminate against those who look different than ourselves. However, an Alabama town wasn't expecting...
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News You Need!
Mar 16, 20212 min read
Would You Name YOUR Child This?
A popular trend has been normalizing different objects, foods, and even fictional characters into unique baby names. However, some of...
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News You Need!
Mar 15, 20212 min read
Support groups for Dad Jokes taking over the nation!
The DJA organization has seen an increase of new members joining weekly, causing a search for bigger meeting spot selections. Have you...
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News You Need!
Mar 12, 20212 min read
Evidence this weekday MIGHT be killing you . . .
A recent hospital entry in Oshkosh, WI, might be giving the phrase a "case of the Monday's" new meaning. Local accountant Cory Ona has...
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News You Need!
Mar 11, 20212 min read
Chocolate Milk doesn't come from CHOCOLATE COWS!?
Until now, it has been common knowledge there are a variety of cows that have flavored milk, which has been sold in stores to many's...
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News You Need!
Mar 10, 20212 min read
New zoo exhibit is not what it's Quacked up to be. . .
The local Menominee Park Zoo has unveiled a new habitat, one listed for a Peregrine Falcon, the fastest air-based mammal. However, the...
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News You Need!
Mar 9, 20211 min read
New Line of Food Flavored Alcohol!
Up-and-coming liquor distributor "Fun Brew," is unveiling a new line of beers, with distinct food-based flavors. Trending titles include:...
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News You Need!
Mar 8, 20212 min read
Charlie Brown Feeling Blue After Diagnosis!
Once iconic child Charlie Brown has been diagnosed with severe depression. The root of this diagnosis seems to be the result of emotional...
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News You Need!
Mar 5, 20212 min read
It's OFFICIALLY Time to Duel! New Sport Joining ESPN!
The popular brand Yu Gi Oh!, up to this point was believed to only be an anime, as well as a trading card game much akin to Pokemon....
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News You Need!
Mar 4, 20212 min read
National Pants Mandate after "One Too Many Zoom Incidents"
After a record high of 10,000 cases, Gov. Tony Evers is mandating everyone in online learning and business must now wear pants if their...
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News You Need!
Mar 3, 20212 min read
Naked Man Gets a Supreme Favor!
A man robbed of his clothes, left naked in the streets, contacted Supreme brand to send new "drip." After the recent Dodgers game, Hugh...
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News You Need!
Mar 2, 20212 min read
Roadrunner Finally Rid Of Coyote in Court Case
Wile E. Coyote convicted of first-degree murder with use of a deadly weapon, with intent to distribute. The iconic rivalry between Wile...
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News You Need!
Mar 1, 20212 min read
Overuse of Hand Sanitizer Causes Nasty Hands.
Despite efforts to keep people clean and safe during this pandemic, people overusing hand sanitizer causes their hands to smell "mad...
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News You Need!
Feb 26, 20212 min read
Danville Teen "Busted" and Locked Up In Mental Hospital.
Local Danville crazed teenager Candace Flynn has landed herself an extended holiday in Danville Mental Health Facility. Disclaimer: This...
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News You Need!
Feb 25, 20211 min read
Flintstones Car in Real Life?
Could the car used by the prehistoric family become a reality? Disclaimer: This and all the other articles are based on fact, but NOT...
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News You Need!
Feb 24, 20212 min read
Bernie Trades Chair For Hammock!
The politician made waves in meme culture with his "covid and comfy" look, but now is debating switching his form of comfort. Disclaimer:...
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News You Need!
Feb 24, 20211 min read
Pillsbury Doughboy to Lose Weight!
The lovable mascot sets New Year's resolution, and plans to stay committed. Disclaimer: This and all the other articles are based on...
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News You Need!
Feb 24, 20212 min read
New Trend Takes Over Clubs Across America!
A new dance trend is sweeping the nation as clubs everywhere are seeing the extinction of "vougeing," and seeing the birth of . . . well, uh
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News You Need!
Feb 23, 20211 min read
New Cereal Devised to Increase Child's Play
Disclaimer: This and all the other articles are based on fact, but NOT FACTUAL in. reality. The article you are about to read may...
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